trying to find my feet

I have no idea who might read this or what they make think, but this is a fresh start for me. I would suppose in this entry I should tell you a little bit about myself. I just turned 42 on July 31. I live in the suburbs of Charlotte, NC and I have been here 15 years last week. I am originally from North East Tennessee. I have a 20 year old son and have been married 21 years. Or, I suppose I should say I was married. On Febuary 20, 2009 my husband Richard died. This is why I am trying to find my feet. I am lost. It is my hope that blogging will give me an outlet to the world as I work through my grief and find my independence in this foreign land.
Please do not think this is to always be sad with me crying and whining about my loss and my life. I tend to look at the lighter side of things in a strange and practical way. There are funny things that happen to me every day and hopefully I will put them here. I am very open to suggestions and questions as well so if you read it, let it rip.
At this point I am trying to find my feet financially. I am a typical southern girl who moved straight from my fathers house to my husbands. There are alot of things I have never done and I am unaware of how these things work from time to time. Now to my credit I have an IQ of 138. I am not stupid by any means and I have good common sense. I am the person that everyone asks every question. If anyone knows anything about this, 'buni will. But, I'll be damned if I can crack the code on being a widow at my age.
I have discovered that I cannot go to the local gas station/truckstop alone. Not because I am afraid, but because the filter in my head that used to keep me from saying things I shouldn't has disappeared. The first of a few incidents happened on a Sunday morning after a rough Saturday night. I was hung over and out of smokes when I woke at 11 am with a blinding headache. I jumped in my flip flops with my tshirt and sweats, hair in a birdsnest that had began Saturday in a chic ponytail, and huge rockstar sunglasses (used to hide Saturdays makeup that had turned into Sundays crackwhore) and hurried to my car. I was desperately in need of nicotine and caffine. I am not fit for human consumption until both substances are present in my bloodstream. Thats the set up. Now, I had just exited my car, which I had to park on the outskirts of the parking lot due to some unexplained Sunday morning festivities at the Wilco. I had literally stepped out of my flip flop and was bent over putting it back when I was approached by a strange man. He said to me, "Excuse me miss, have you ever had Anal Sex??" Needless to say, I was absolutely gobsmacked. I replied, "Not this morning ....... No" to which he replied "Well I know it suprises people but I am only 43 years old." My non existant filter did not stop me from saying "Well damn, I look good!!" I then got back in my car and went straight home shaking my head. No smokes and No coffee.