Friday, December 25, 2009

Ahhh Christmas of 2009

Ahhhh Christmas of 2009, this year has been mostly a piece of shit that I have been whacked with time and time again. I have shed many tears and thrown many pieces of glass and pottery. But I will not rehash these tonight. Tonight I will look at the good things in my life and all that I am thankful for as of today. I will mention many people and they will be concealed from others but not from themselves.

First, my son is the light of my life. He is my heart, up walking about on legs. This year has been a bitch, not only for me but for him. My baby turned into a man before my eyes and I must say that I have done a good job. You raise your children the best you can but who they become is up to them in the end. Teach them to be good people, but you must lead by example. I have always held my head high and been humble in the face of adversity. I see these qualities in him. He is strong and quiet, slow to anger and quick to forgive. He puts others before himself, he supports his friends, he is loyal and loving to those of us lucky enough to be loved by him. He is quick to smile and always shines the brightest wherever he may be at the moment. The best thing that I can say about him is that he is man enough to cry. He has his father’s temper and my brother’s laughter. There is no one on this planet that will ever rival him for my affections.

Second, my Bestie in New York. God granted me a sister and she is precious to me. She gives me center when I am untethered and laughter when I am in tears. Throughout our relationship and the thousands upon thousands of emails, texts, and phone calls we have forged a friendship out of words. In February, she gave me strength. In May, she gave me sanctuary. But everyday she gives me her undying love and support. She believes in me when I don’t and she fights for me when I can’t. If there is a truer definition of sister than she, I am unaware of the dictionary.

Third, my friends that live around me. I can count you on one hand, but there is no more room than the space you fill in my heart. From making me get out of the house to helping me celebrate my birthday, you have filled me with good food, alcoholic beverages and laughter. From my dearest Pink pal who took me as his plus one to the “Rednecked Wedding from Hell” and made me laugh all night to my girlfriend here who has let me lay my head on her and not said a word when I could not speak to my very own piece of Candy that emails or texts me everyday just to say “hi” so that I know I am not forgotten. My very own Hotline that twirls when I am offended and offers to shed blood when the first tear falls. You hold me together when I am falling apart. Your kindness and generosity of sprit are things that hold me together everyday. You understand when I need to talk and you understand when I cannot.

Forth, my boys, and you know who you are. The hugs, kisses and “how are yous” are priceless to me. You let me in your lives and call me “Mama” not because you know that there is room in my heart for you but because you have made room for me. You carry heavy things, take out my trash, and allow me to love you. I am lucky to be able to call you mine. You always come to see me on the holidays and my birthday you all made a special effort to be with me. You let me feed you and fuss over you.

Lastly but certainly not least are my friends who live far away but touch my life and heart. When it’s raining the hardest, you find a way to make me smile. Emails, Twitters, texts, Facebook and MySpace provide me with many hours of comfort. I can always reach out to someone and that means I am never truly alone.

These are the people I am thankful for as I put no stock in things anymore. They are nice but provide cold comfort on a stormy night in this house alone. There are many things that I have lost but the people who are gone are what has brought me to my knees. You help me see everyday that even if it’s just for an hour I need to believe in me.

I love you all. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.